I guess I am kinda sorta getting excited about this art exhibition coming up. It will probably definitely miss the target audience but I don't really have anything to lose.
I feel incredibly alone. I had it really together for a while but realise now how much I was depending on R. I kind of think of things of how they are but there is just this huge black cloud hanging over me. I get the sense something is going to blow up with something pretty soon. I wish I didn't feel so fucking down.
Sleeping is an issue, I am so tired.
The weekend was a non-event. I drove back from my parents house to hang out with Zap & co. but plans fell through so I ended up home alone freaking out about everything ever. Well, B was over for a little bit and some of the night was spent searching a field for a refidex thrown away on the infamous Saturday night of last week.
I went to Burneys on Saturday to watch hilarious you tubes, had plans to go out to the valley. Had a race with Rothwell across a bridge that doesn't exist all the time. Got disgracefully drunk, the group was slowly diminishing until it was just H and I so we went to the train station. I could barely string a sentence together meanwhile I was showing some guy pictures of J on my phone saying, "If you ever meet her, you will know... you have met the worst girl ever" or along the lines of. On the way to the valley I realised I just wasn't going to make it. I left H on the train and went to get another train home. Seriously, I was a HUGE disgrace. I remember waiting at the station trying to ignore someone who was trying to talk to me. On the train I was looking at groups of people that I was really jealous of because they weren't as drunk as me. There was some kind of ruckus on the carriage and it took forever to get to the station. I don't really remember my train of thought but I remember running as fast as I could home carrying my shoes, once again.. Glass has embedded. I woke up next to my bed at 7 this morning still wearing my valley clothes and make up smeared all over my face. what a mess.
God. I wish I didn't feel so fucking down.
