This morning I drank 1.25 L of coke because I ran out of coffee.
It's a poor substitute, and when I brushed my teeth I thought about how the acid in the coke had probably dissolved some tooth enamel that I in turn, was making worse by brushing so soon after consumption.
H and I went to see a friends band play at West End last night. It was great. On three separate occasions though, the host of the event pulled me out of the crowd. Terrible stage fright, terrible. I always want to be part of that fun, interactive crowd that the host always strives for but I think it takes the perfect mix of people to make a great crowd, the rest of the time is just an epic fail.
I'm still trying to quit smoking. I went to the bathroom, made small talk with a lady who was wearing a pretty outspoken outfit. She sat down to smoke so I asked her I could join her. The experience to follow brings me to #37 on reasons to quit.
"Wow, I really love what you're wearing. My friend and I were just talking about how great it is."
"I made it myself. I'm bi-polar. I stay at home making clothes."
"Oh.... I'm sorry to hear that. You look really great though."
"Yeah, sparkly things help my condition because I'm so down all the time."
"Ergh... uhmm.. Thanks for the cigarette. I'm trying to quit, its really hard though, I've been smoking for years."
"I took up smoking because I'm self destructive. Each one brings me closer to death."
"Oh... well, that's a real shame to think like that. Those are great shoes too, are they from horse riding?"
"No, they are work boots, back when I used to work before the government said I couldn't because of my condition."
".....Right. well... They look like horse riding boots, and I like horses and things that remind me of them, so I like them"
"I used to ride horses through the forests of Germany whilst filming the hit children's TV show 'the saddle club' if you've heard of it. Back when I was allowed to work, before you know, the ups and downs and stuff."
"oh OK... well, at least its really pretty out here, look at these lights its like Christmas"
"I hate Christmas. I hate myself and want to die."
"OK, that's it. Thanks for the cigarette, I've got to go... "
It was the most exhausting conversation I've ever had. The band were great, as usual. I think the lead singer, basically, is the sex. There was a lot of flirting, which makes it all the more frustrating seeing as there were a few contributing factors as to why I couldn't just jump him on the spot.
I had a weird dream last night, which oddly disturbed me more then most. T* and I are back to speaking on a regular basis, I don't know if I will ever stop getting 'funny' about issues regarding him. I had this dream J's like "I've loved him this whole time, we are actually going to Europe together because we're in love! (ha! you're ridiculous suspicions confirmed!)". That boy is pretty much my kryptonite.
I think I'm over thinking about my ex. I wish I had a time machine. I'd go back to when we were happy and shout at us from my trusty dinosaur steed "Boy, you're going to meet a fucking whore. Your pick up line will be 'Do we know each other, your face looks familiar' and then right after you'll go on a 6 month long tirade of lies". I would be wearing a really long flowing cape where you could clearly read on the back as I fly away 'it's not going to be worth it!'.
