Well..
I've been wishing for the last few weeks to be in any moment in time that wasn't one of the impending moments I knew I had to go through. In the hospital dressing room I actually considered climbing out the window and bailing but then I realised that 1. over $2000 was paid for this 3. no one was MAKING me do it 4. I would have to do it eventually or be in pretty bad pain for a long time and 5. it's probably going to make me feel a world better.
so.. they put the drip in my hand and the mask over my face and then I start to panic but someone held me down, and then I woke up in recovery shivering and coughing with a mask still over my face. A group of people stood round me for a while and I tried to leave. I had to sit there for like an hour and then they let me go in this room to wait another hour. It was nearly time to go home but then blood starting dripping on my chest and I had to go back to hospital bed to get more stitches and wait a few more hours til it stopped bleeding. I was so jealous of the people that were coming and going, and I was still sitting there. I fell asleep on the car ride home and woke up really wide awake because I was shocked that I had fallen asleep. idiot.
I'm OK. I wonder when the last time I looked this bad was though. The lack of sleep has given me dark circles under my eyes, my face is extremely pale and my lips are white as well as chipmunk cheeks that are just retarded. Bruises all over my legs from falling down the stairs last week and my gangrene-looking broken foot. Great Job. Attractive, yer doin it rong.
I'm going to try address the rest of my problems when I am better. It may not seem it to some that are close to me, but I am slowly working at fixing all my life and my head and getting everything on the right track. It just takes a little longer for me.
I'm going to set some goals.
Like working out my debt
Calming down on work
Fixing my health
but more then anything I want to be able to sleep.
Things are going to be OK.
