Seeing as I have $45 to last me a week, (I don't have train tickets, food or petrol though I DO have booze, of course.) when R offered to drive me to my night courses yesterday I hesitantly accepted, for this sole reason.
We talked about things and sorted some issues out. I told him the night before he was being a drunk jerk and that it really upset me. I told him it wasn't the fact that he wanted to get wasted that I was concerned about, it's his motives that really bother me.
I gave him an ultimatum. If he can pull himself together, and if in some time once we have both thought this through properly and still feel the same way, I will make a commitment.
honestly, want to be with him, it just scares the hell out of me that I don't trust him in any way at all. Every single little thing he does I automatically put together that it had malicious intent. I don't know how to get over that.
He replaced the wine he drank of mine and brought me food. It was really considerate.
Getting drunk it pretty optimal, so we got home and got boozed. There seems to be tension between JR and R. R put on his emo pants for a little while because JR pointed out that every time R got boozed he ranted about chemicals and no one cares. ha.
R told me he had to be honest with me and said that earlier in the day he had a girl over, and they had been naked in his bed but he couldn't bang her because he couldn't think about anything but me.
I don't know how I am meant to feel about this. I'm not sure I believe they didn't, but I've no place to be upset about it.
He was going to sleep in my bed on account of, its his birthday today. He put on some romantic classical pretty music, lay down for five seconds got back up and then all I could hear was the pretty music mixed with sounds of hurling.
I'm ecstatically happy today. I don't know why. I woke up bolt upright panicking thinking that my alarm didn't go off and really excited for R's birthday. I was really hungover I went to my car outside forgetting I wasn't wearing pants, and that I now live in suburbia. I got to work and there were delicious cup cakes for everyone, and delicious free drinks thanks to C.
I'm also really happy for Zac, I hope this job works out for him. I know how much he wanted it. I hope he is feeling pretty win.
