Well,
Wednesday night (the Eve of B's birthday):
So, apparently the plan was to go out to dinner for B's birthday was still on regardless on the fact that I had shitted on everything with my CLASS.
It was pretty much a tropical cyclone (k not that bad, it was raining heavily) in the city. Traffic was hell, I was feeling really upset and like the worst friend in the world after what happened so I was preparing to just bail off and go home. Oh my god I’m so fucking drunk. So anyway I decide to ring K and see where she is at, she at my vacinity type thing so I walk to her building and we wait roughly an hour for ney to charge through the traffic. We went to SouthBank and were eagerly awaiting B's arrival (she was coming with R and J).
3 Hours later was a bit much but whatever. It was good catching up with ney and K. I have to make the director a coffee, or did I already? I think I made.. did I give it to him.. where is it now. Oh god. Yeah, Im the office bitch, I just went to make another glass of coffee or something and I walked into the wall and then I spilled the coffee. I hate when you go to the toilet when you work in an office and you are on like the same "pee schedule" as someone else and they are always in there when you go in there, its so awkward, the awkward nod, the awkward "hey, hows it going" ergh.
So I was waiting with ney and K, we caught up, B and R and J finally got there. J wears glasses now because she has gone wok eyed because drugs have apparently ruined her brain. B was not even mad, she took me aside and said no boy will ever get between us I love you I want you to know that.
We got really boozed at dinner and went to the Press Club after. They wanted to stay out and drink all night but I feel like I’m on the verge of losing my job, imagine if I had gone to work after staying out all night when I had feinted in the vacinity two times in two days, and then I came to work hungover after Id been out all night. They wouldn’t let me catch the train home by myself, and I had no other way to get home. I just wanted to be by myself and I could feel the little horrible panicy suffocating feeling riding up my throat. They wouldn’t let me leave so I ended up crying in the street for reasons unbeknownst to me. It really sucked, I couldn’t stop crying and then I started crying even more because I felt like I was attention seeking. I've been feeling weird. I've been numb for days, like, have to touch my hands together and see if they are indeed my own kind of thing. I feel like I haven’t had any idea what’s been going on, like being really fucking drunk. J and I made up. I was glad.
She took me home, very grateful to her. B pulled a huge guilt trip on me because I didn’t want to go sit on a mountain with her. We stopped at J's on the way back and ate a bunch of ecstasy, I didn’t feel it, she wanted to sit on a mountain, J was buzzed and R was throwing his fucking guts up so him and I went to bed.
I don't know if I'm fairly drug fucked or if it is a reasonable perception but I think everyone is out to get me. I had convinced myself into thinking that R doesnt actually like me at all, and that he just told me that so he could hurt me even more and rub B in my face. When he was talking to her about everything and telling her his side of the story I wasn’t there and I was convinced he was telling her I was lying and that everything was my fault and concocting some kind of lie to turn everyone against me. Just like Brad.
He didn't, he hasn't
Great job.
