So, Its B's birthday tomoro we were going to go out tonight. We were emailing each other about the details and whatever, then I decided I had to tell her. In Geordies words extravaganza of lose.
Well,
I dont know I have to come clean with you I guess. Its just that the living arrangements with R have me doubting whether it will work out. I cant help it but Ive ended up having a crush on him, obviously we would never be together but now I have major concerns about moving in with him.
I feel like I've wronged you because you said you like him, but I mean obviously nothing has happened or will happen it just still fucking sucks you know. Best friends liking the same guy who one of them is moving in with. crap situations.
I totally didnt even think I did like him, but i definitely realised it.
thats the main thing. Im feeling really guilty, yesterday had a lot to do with how shit I felt about this whole thing. I wish there were ways u can turn these kinda of things off.
I really really hope your not angry with me, but i dont want to keep anything from you. Im not sure what I am keeping from you? I just felt I had to tell you.
I totally understand if your pissed at me.
IM SO FUCKING SHIT
GHAHAHAHAH
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I'm not saying I dont want you and him to be together but for the sake of my soul I would appreciate it if I didnt know about it until Im over it a bit more.
This is only been the last few days by the way, and any advice I gave you about him was before I knew how I felt about him, it definitely wasnt coming from a malicious or manipulative place.
Im seriously sitting on the edge of my seat waiting on your reply.
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AND then, well. This is the great part, I sent R a message telling him I told b what happened it said "I told B, read your emails before you come out" I accidentally sent it to her. she replied with "What...?"
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well,
basically what happened is
I told R the night before about how I felt, and I asked him to maybe give seeing you some space for a little while why I got over it.
Anyway. We had a talk and whatever and I wasnt going to tell you because I felt so fucking shit about it and would rather get the fuck over it.
So anyway, R and I were just going to never mention it ever again
but
I had to tell him I told you so he knows what going on and doesnt try to cover my arse
and that text I sent you that said i told b I meant to send to him
I've basically just failed life.
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Um ok well... I don't really know what to say to be honest.
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Should I not come tonight?
thats totally cool if not
Im seriously not going to pursue it or anything so long as you know
I just had to say to one or both of you to not be in my face about it for a bit
I would have kept it to myself but thats where the panic attacks dwell
Seriously, I would never do anything about liking him its just Im not in the right state of mind to be able to handle.. that
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No that's not going to solve anything, just don't know if I'm in the
mood to be doing anything now but. Oh well going to see if I can get off
work early, ill talk to you later.
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You dont understand,
Nothing has happened with R or is going to.
I just had to tell you I had feelings for him and to request to leave it for the moment because I am flipping out. I am literally going crazy, I can't handle my issues right now. pass out in cafes crazy
You have to go out tonight, its the eve of your birthday.
I won't come if you dont want me to, we can do the celebrating another night.
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amazing lose there.
very classy way of dealing with it. amazing.
